The Promise

I made a promise to my mother about 6 months ago . She was sick and we were speaking about her funeral arrangements. She wasn't happy to talk about this at all as you can imagine. Some older people are more comfortable with death than others. My mom was not. Even throughout her sickness, she never complained. She celebrated life. When I asked her what made her the saddest about death she responded, “Because I can’t take you with me.”

She wanted two songs played at her funeral, amazing grace and How Great Thou Art. She said under a quiet breath, "I know you could not sing them, but if someone would, that be so nice." I looked her in the eyes and said “of course I will do that for you. I will sing them mom.” She broke out sobbing and said “would you really?” “Of course I will, it would be my honor."

That's a promise that I made my mom. At the time I thought I could do it, but when the actual ceremony came around I was a mess. But I promised. The art of keeping a promise is a dying one. A promise is about someone else. It's not about whether you feel like doing something or not, it's just what you do.

I may not have a lot of money these days, but I'm a person of my word. Actually, I'm a man of my word. And if you get that, then you get me. And that even at this “venue” I wasn’t going to wear my damn shoes. :-). Some of you will get that. :-)

The church was filled with my mother’s hats. That’s what she would have wanted. Everyone wore a hat or one of hers. 

And for all of you who took time last month to write her a letter via social media pages, she asked to buried with them all. And she was. Several were tucked away by her arms and hands, and the rest were placed at the end of her casket. 

You people matter to me and you obviously mattered to my mother. Some of you I’ve never even met let alone you met my mom. I just wanted you to know, that late Sunday night I asked you that favor, it made a huge impact in someone’s life. Both mine and my mothers.

Thank you for touching this Rocker and very sick old woman’s life. Here is my final prayer for my mother. A tribute. I tried to express it in song. Watch if you will.

Please watch the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EtS_1I_Bs8

Cops, Handcuffs, dog food and Rock & Roll.

“Well then, go ahead, cuff me officer, cause I’m not F***ing going anywhere!”

It was about 4:35 am. I was in a sound sleep in my underwear. Earplugs in, face mask secured and wind machine blaring next to my head like the artificial sound of the ocean. We had a 5-hour show & I was TIRED!!!!

There was loud sudden pounding my band mate stumbled to the door only to have it bashed open by the “Swat Team.” She yelled, “It’s the cops! A lot of them!”

I pulled out earplugs, tripped out of my warm bed & stood there in confusion as I wondered what the hell was going on!

“Pack up your things and leave the premises” a voice said with deep authority.  They were going to search us for drugs. Apparently I was being accused of selling drugs. ME! ME!!!!! I only spend many hours of my year going into schools, chemical dependency centers, half way houses, abuse centers and safe places for kids with chemical issues and they are accusing ME of selling drugs!

I asked how this could be! They said to pack up and get out. I called the front desk. They said the same and I would receive no refund. I was OUT the money! WTF!!!

My whole band was being evicted! And I was MAD AS HELL! I said I wasn’t going anywhere & he said failure to leave the premises would force him to arrest me and take me to jail. So I said GO AHEAD! At least I’d have a place to stay! He said I wouldn’t want to go to this jail and I said, “Try me!” I’d have every inmate singing Silent Night at the tops of their lungs until it drove everyone there to their deaths! I knew I could get more publicity for sending ME to jail and sell more records than I would just keeping my mouth shut so I was going to say what I needed to say and go out with a bang.

I had a few people I could call for bail and I was going. Come hell or high water some false accusation wasn’t going to slow me down, so my band mate started to film the whole incident.

I was a rabid dog! I was throwing out bras & panties one by one into the street & all my clothes in the suitcase.  I was going to take as looooonnggg as I could to get my sh*t out of there. I couldn’t BELIEVE this! I was mad, exhausted, crying and not to mention still in my underwear!

“I hope you’re getting a good show people!” I said with snot dripping out of my nose. I didn’t care. I was PISSED! Finally the whole story unfolded…

I ask my band mates to not drink on stage. We have lost rooms in the past due to shitty sloppy playing and people doing stupid things. It’s just not worth it. It’s hard enough to have a great show sober, let alone throwing alcohol into the mix. See, people who play & record while sloshed think it all sounds AMAZING! But in reality, you sound like SH*T! No one can keep time, wrong notes are played and I want to STRANGLE people for the disrespect when I ask them CLEARLY to not drink during the show.

Well, my current band, as always, honored that. And they don’t realize how much I love them for it. Because in the past I have had intense hatred sharing the stage with members. So now, I can concentrate on me, and my own mistakes I make instead of someone else’s. I bought my mates some beer and said have some on me. And they did. I also told them the rooms were strictly no smoking. So if they needed to smoke, just step outside. And once again, they honored my wishes.

So what’s the big deal about having a smoke & a beer outside your hotel room? Well apparently when a Crack Whore Meth Head approaches them all asking to use their phones to call her drug dealer boyfriend, and they decline? (Silly band…) That sent her into a frenzy. She went as far as “offering her services” to a band member in exchange for phone usage.

My band mates told her to use the hotel lobby phone. Instead she told the manager a rock band selling drugs approached her. So that’s all it took. THAT is the justice these days? A Crack Whore’s word against mine?

The hotel security guard didn’t help either. He said he saw us selling drugs. That’s what I was told. “Have this security guard come here,” I said. And with a vengeance...

He wouldn’t come…

I began to cut what became a two-hour promo. I still was standing there and not being taken in for several counts against me now. So with this lull in me being hauled off I was going to speak my mind and HAVE THEM LISTEN! After all, I was STILL in my underwear! I was so pissed I didn’t realize it! So I had a captive audience.

I told them to GOOGLE my name & see what came up. See the hundreds of videos posted where I’m talking about anti drugs, alcohol to minors, positive life choices, converting you're fear into fuel, health & fitness and having over all self worth and confidence. “Pull it up!” I said.  A unique message on KTTC   And The Today I Won't Be Afraid School Tour

I added with all the crap people say about cops, the “Pigs” how they hate & despise them, that “I” was someone who constantly defends them, their jobs and their craft if you will. I have many friends and family on the force and I know what a thankless, tough, dangerous, political job they can have. I have listened to the bureaucracy that surrounds their careers for years and understand many are just completely committed or insane to stay in law enforcement. So if you want to write a bunch of anti-cop/law comments, save it. I will delete them. That’s not what this blog is about. It’s actually about COMMUNICATION. Human COMMUNICATION. Please read on.

I was still screaming about this injustice and how could seven officers stand by and let an innocent person and her team be punished for a crime they didn’t commit? Why the hell weren’t they going after the other woman???!!! The main officer said because you were seen by the security officer selling drugs. This is private property and I was called to get rid of you. Simple and sweet. Maybe for him, but not for me.

What F***ing country am I in?????? I was confused since I was SLEEPING when you bashed open my door! Oh that’s right, let me remind myself. I am in a country where known and prosecuted felons, rapists, murders, pedophiles and thieves go to prison. They are given beds to sleep in, rehabilitation programs, ways to further their education, meals and even in some cases workout facilities. That’s right. And as I boldly told the police, we just toured Afghanistan. We had the privilege of going and performing for our troops. I got to see first hand what’s really cookin. Heat, exhaustion, tough conditions. These people chose this to fight for our freedom.  They are disciplined and have never done a damn thing to deserve some of the conditions I’ve seen. Sometimes our soldiers only get a M.R.E or less to eat. They mostly sleep in tents that are sometimes on rocks. My feet were destroyed after just a few weeks over there. Our people endure things you & I couldn’t imagine. But rest assured our felons are being “take care of.” After all, they deserve it…

One of the officers asked to speak to me in private. I will refrain from commenting on what was said. But I will tell you this. At the end of the day, I rely on myself. I have me & only me to live true to. And I knew I was right. I stand by what I believe in, especially when it is I! I don’t take the easy way out of ANYTHING! And I told him; he was taking the easy way out. I called him a pussy & coward. And that’s all I’ll say. If he was a real man, he could figure out a way to make this right. It may take some effort, but I’m sure he could think of a way. Cause I’m ready to go to jail now. I will get a ton of publicity off this one…

So what’s this blog really about? I said it already. It’s about communication. Something that is quickly becoming extinct in our society and our country. In remembrance of a horrible day as of late, so many are quick to blame everything under the son. Guns, music, video games… I blame myself. I blame the lack of “communication.” The kid who shot all those children was messed up. He was troubled. I’m not making excuses. I’m asking what “I” could have done. I’m just saying, did anyone notice this kid had problems? Did he ever give signs or try to reach out? I’m asking rhetorical questions here trying to find my out my own answers.

We are buried in our smart phones, tablets and laptops. We wear headphones connected to our iPods through out the day. We sit down to lunch with a friend and have our phone in hand texting or at least on the table to vibrate and disrupt any clear thought or conversation. We never used to have phones. Kids went and played till it was dark and then came home. Schools didn’t have locked doors and metal detectors. It was a different age I lived in. If you did something wrong you got an ass whopping usually with a “switch” that your grandma made you go out to the back yard and break off yourself. Different times we live in…

But maybe the night this entire BS went down, maybe last Friday when that cop asked to speak to me alone, I went back in time. A time where you looked another human being in the eyes and tried to honestly communicate. And you know what? It worked. It still works. In a world of automated calls, operators and perfected technology there still is a need for a human to make a determination, a decision if you will. And I was going to use that to my advantage. And I did.

My words may have been uttered with snot dripping everywhere and with a raised voice, but they were precise and as accurate as a sharp shooters bullet.  I made my points and now I would wait.

Hours later, this whole hula balloon ended with seven handshakes, and a woman they just “happened to find” being carted off to jail. I was spared. I had about 21 counts against me and I returned to my hotel room. We got a later check out and still I paced the room still madder than a wet hornet. But justice had been served.

Save me the comments of “you’re a cute girl”… bla bla bla. I’ve had more “sparings” from straight female officers than men. I am fearless especially when I am right & I will stand by it. You see, I believe, that you have a 50/50 chance of getting what you want if you truly back up what you stand for and believe to be right. People still can see in your eyes whether or not you are true. So use that.

Take time everyday to COMMUNICATE. Don’t just LIKE something on Facebook, WRITE a comment. Don’t just write a comment, CALL someone. Don’t just call someone, go VISIT them every chance you get. Don’t just go visit someone, LOVE them unconditionally and do all you can to make their life a better one.

I’m still pissed as hell. But at least I know that in the end, sometimes if you stand true, justice does prevail.

I asked the front desk woman the following day why the woman was taken to jail. What counts actually were brought on her? She said something about “Failure to Comply” and Disorderly Conduct” … wow.  She also said the officer asked her one more time to confirm her story. She said the band actually didn’t try to sell her anything. Then she stated, wait, they did! He asked her what substance did the band actually try and sell you. The hotel clerk said the woman looked him dead straight in the face and said, “Dog Food.”

Makin out in the rain

Have you ever done it? Just sat there as the rain pounded down and let your hair get wet, clothes turn a different color and held the face of someone you were hot for? When you hold them and get close and let them wrap their arms around you if feels differently. It feels like you’re almost breaking the law or beating the odds. I think it only adds to the experience.

So many people are afraid or irritated by the rain. You see them scampering from their cars to the store, makin that “rain” face. Where you squint your eyes & raise your eyebrows thinking somehow that’s going to keep you dry? It’s rain not acid! And you’re not a witch! You’ll be ok!

Women seem to just freak out like maybe their real identity will be exposed! I’ve always loved the rain. I remember a date I was on, we went for a walk outside a restaurant, found a big boulder by the river & just sat and talked. Ah hem… well, sometimes talking leads to other things. Needless to say, it started to rain and I asked if we could just stay. He said why not.  I knew I had a change of clothes in the car and it wasn’t too cold out. So what’s the harm?

It felt amazing and so did the affection of that severely perfectly cool & calm man. I felt protected sitting there in his arms. And when it got too bad out we picked up and quietly walked back to our cars. My shoes we off, what’s new. And I walked through puddles and mud without a care in the world. He noticed that and commented on that fact. My date said, “you know I love that about you? That you don’t care. You’re easy going and I know you won’t be upset if things get a little messy.”

I learned the art of getting messy when I was 8. I figured it out the hard way when I was eight years old in a beauty pageant. Yup, did that, been there… lol. I didn’t fit in that world! But it was a chance to sing in front of LARGE crowds and bring the house down. And I did. Every time. My hair was long & I didn’t have the make up on the other girls did, but I could sing. And I could get dirty. And that’s the ticket I used to usually win. And the world can learn from that so let me share.

I was walking to a competition. It was raining. The girls were crying and fussing about their hair. I didn’t care. I would have stayed out and played all day in that mess. But on the way I tripped and fell. Face first in the black mud. My little powder blue jumpsuit and me… were covered. The girls laughed and pointed at me. I think? I think a few got the bird. I recall getting reprimanded about it. What are you going to do? Lol.

I walked on stage for judging without flinching. I had a job to do and I was gonna do it. And I won. I almost always won. Not because I was the prettiest, tallest, best dressed or most talented, but because in my mind I already won. Showing up is 99% of success, but believing you already have won, I have found to be 100% of success.

I was to shoot this couple’s wedding. The girl was plain and simple…a bitch. I could tell she was right out of the gate. But show me the money. Horrible budget, but I’ll work over not. So I took it. She saw photos of another couple and wanted THOSE! I said, honey, THOSE were very special circumstances. Beautiful people, beautiful attitudes, love, and vibe… she couldn’t get that result if she tried.

Needless to say it rained the day of her wedding. Just like the couple’s weeding I shot. But the couple I shot, who were African American, or as I referred to them, “Black & Hot!” didn’t even see the rain. They saw only each other. The look in this couples eyes still sends chills down my spine. I saw it. I saw it in real time, and I saw it in their photos.

It’s not worth spending time talking about the other bitch. Physically, her outer appearance was flawless. She was probably the most “beautiful” by societie’s standards I’ve even shot. But here ever so ugly soul got in the way of it all. Her photos looked like a crabby new bride trudging through the water. No magic. Just a snot nosed princess wanna be. She didn’t embrace the rain. She would never understand.

The next time it’s “raining” or even metaphorically speaking, “you’re caught in the rain” don’t worry. Picture yourself on a bolder by the river, making out with the person of your dreams. Feeling like nothing in the world will harm you or stop you from doing what ever it is you want to do. Don’t make the “rain” face! Tilt your head back open your mouth and let it fall on your tongue. Smile. Enjoy the elements and what life brings you. Take a moment to realize you are alive and you have the chance and opportunity every day to live an incredible life or change the one you have into one. I do it daily. And it seems to work for me. So I thought I’d share.

The next time it rains, grab someone you love or even know just a little! Pull them out into the water and plant one on em! You either will have the best kiss ever or a slap in the face! Either way, you’ll have a memory. And no one can ever take that away from you.

Celebrate the rain and celebrate you’re life. Always remember that you’re beautiful.

Photography courtesy of ME! www.thefactoryphotography.com

PS. This is the actual shot I took sitting on that boulder. And I want you to remember, sometimes it truly is darkest before the dawn. And even if you ever feel lonely, disheartened or frustrated with circumstances in your life, if you try… your life will change. Keep a positive outlook. And remember as noted in the book/movie “The Secret,” sometimes the seeds you have been planting are right under the surface ready to break through. So let them. Don’t give up. Your time to shine is coming. Just give it the chance.

One night stands

The ones that hurt the most are the ones where you meet someone and have that… connection, that… spark. You’re thinking exciting thoughts, you’re thinking about the future, words are exchanged and dreams are shared. Sometimes you are intimate and then comes the unfortunate. The disappearing act.

I’ve done it and had it “done” to me. It’s funny, because for a long time I thought, can there be a more icky feeling? Having someone basically reject or abandon you feels pretty bad. Up until now, I thought that was the worst feeling ever, but I’ve recently had something beat that.

The ironic thing about someone rejecting you, is have you ever noticed, you start looking at your phone every other minute of the day? You look to see if you have a missed call or text. And then it happens. You do! But it’s from a really good friend or some other person reaches out. And the irony is you get mad about it. At least I do. I actually caught myself frowning as some other friend called to say something kind. But because it wasn’t the person I was hoping to hear from, I got pissed, angry and frustrated.

That’s not cool and it’s not healthy. And I’ve trained myself to move on and not give a …. But something I’ve noticed that’s worse than that feeling, is doing something amazing for someone and not having them even acknowledge it. Not even a thank you.

I had some really important meetings a while back. They were life-changing opportunities that I wanted to seize. There were so many powerful people that I had the chance to impress. And I actually did. So I wanted to take it to the next level and send thank you gifts like they had never seen. A brilliant concoction of personal gifts they would always remember.

I tracked the Fed Ex, knew they received them and waited. But as in most meetings in my life, there is no Oz. There is just a series of more meetings you go to usually to run into someone saying… “You really need to just do your own…” Lol. Sure. I knew that.

I didn’t have the money to send what I did in the first place. But I knew it had to be done. Even my father understood my reasoning. He said, “Sometimes you just have to put on airs Mooner…” The funny thing was, out of everything sent only one person stopped to say thank you. A month later, one more person did. But the others, no dice. Not even a peep.

So instead of getting mad, or getting irritated at the good people in my of who remember to support, honor and thank me, tonight, I thank you.

You know those tile necklaces I’ve been promoting online? So many of you have ordered them and it’s helping me tremendously. So many of you don’t have a fricken pot to piss in, yet you order my items to help me fund my new show.

I aint mad at that! And I aint mad at you. Yesterday 13 of you privately emailed me, saying thanks. Thanking me for sending you product you paid for. You took the time. You were grateful and gracious and full of joy. And those people who I sent lavish & expensive gifts to? They can’t say anything? Can’t take a minute to email me? Lol. It’s not like it’s hard to find me… I kind of put myself out there.

Those of you who have chosen to help me; I’ll always remember you. And when I get things going on a grander level, I will find you. And you will be repaid. And that’s a promise. And I don’t break my promises. I’m just not wired that way.

Know that I’m the real deal. And I REALLY appreciate you and your support. There is no manager or agent writing this, or keeping up with my social media. I do it. Because I care.

Thank you again for all of you out there who continue to help and support me. I absolutely love you. Goldy

PS, for anyone wanting to help support my new show, Goldy Knows, You can order Tiles here. All proceeds go directly to editing the first show. Get one for you, a friend a simple gift that is custom, unique and made by me!

http://www.thefactorybygoldylocks.com/tilenecklaces.html

Dead singers & LOUD ringers in my house!

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve heard things others didn’t. I kind of accepted it as “normal” but I soon learned it was not. I also learned to keep my big trap shut because people think I’m weird enough as it is!

I noticed it got worse the older I got, and the more “plays” I was in the more "visitors" I would receive. I spent a lot of time in the theater, which meant long hours even after practice, straitening up the closets, hanging up costumes and putting away props. I always felt like I was being watched and I usually was.

I have years full of stories, but tonight I share one from last week. Because the same thing has been happening a lot as of late.

I renovated an old hospital. Yup. I live in an old hospital. And ever since the day I moved in there are many other “residents” as my aunt Pat like to call them, who just stop on by. J

This is my building!

They stop by during my photo shoots, rehearsals and recording sessions. Or just whenever they damn well please! Some clients see them, some of my friends feel them, and one ghost taps men on the left shoulder! But most of my spirits are heard. Oh let me tell you… they are heard.

My aunt asked me the other day if they ever bother me. For the most part, they are pretty cool. Good positive vibes here. I do have a few more stories to tell, but I will save them for another time. :-)

Last week we were recording in the studio. My friend and drummer was going to town when the engineer and I just looked at each other. J We looked around, looked at the drummer, then back at each other. Then back at the drummer.

We waited until the last crash rang out, and then went back to the spot my friend pointed to on the screen. About a minute into the song. The wave forms changed, got fatter and thicker & spiked. We both knew what it was.

After soloing the track and placing an EQ on it, it was pretty clear, that again, we weren’t alone.

You see, my whole life, since I was about three, I have been haunted by… SINGERS! Lol. And there are MANY in my building. 20 people died hear years ago and many since. IT’s a popular place what can I say. J

This ghost was just wailin away! She, yes SHE was bound and determined to be heard. So we listened many times in enchantment and I told her she did a really great job. This just happens all the time. It has for years. I’m blessed to always get the singers… lol. Among many, but ALWAYS I get the singers.

So the next time you buy a Goldy lockS song on iTunes (God another shameless plug!) tale a really good listen. There may be a few more voices on those songs than you bargained for. J

This particular ghost will make her debut on the first ever Goldy Knows TV sound track. Look for the song, “Sometimes.” She’s on it. Loud and clear.

You can think this blog is BS, but many of you reading have been here, seen and heard for yourselves. To think we are the only peeps on the planet, well YOU are the crazy ones! If you ever have any doubt, spend a day here... I promise you will leave singing. Everyone else seems to have. XX00 Goldy